“Nervousness is the dizziness of freedom.” ~Soren Kierkegaard
Let’s be clear:
This isn’t an article about constructive pondering.
This isn’t an article about how silver linings make the whole lot okay.
This isn’t an article about how your perspective on nervousness is all unsuitable.
The youngsters name these issues “poisonous positivity.”
No poisonous positivity right here.
This is an article about my lifelong relationship with anxiety and what I’ve discovered from one thing that received’t go away. At instances the nervousness spikes and feels virtually crippling. I’ve a tough time appreciating the educational at these instances, however it’s nonetheless there.
That’s what this text is all about.
Please don’t confuse me studying issues from one thing that received’t go away with me endorsing that factor or saying it’s a superb factor. I’d commerce the whole lot I’ve discovered from nervousness for much less nervousness. I don’t even like writing about it as a result of specializing in it this a lot provides me nervousness. However I wish to write issues that assist folks.
How a Naked Butt Sparked My Nervousness
Stranger Issues has proven how cool the eighties had been. For probably the most half, that is true. I miss arcades and the music. I miss the liberty I had as a child that I don’t see youngsters having nowadays. I miss among the style. I don’t miss folks not realizing something about psychological well being.
We used to play soccer day by day after faculty at a baseball area/park in our little city. This was unsupervised sort out soccer with youngsters quite a bit older than me.
I keep in mind one time a man broke his finger. It was pointing again at him at a ninety-degree angle. He took off sprinting towards his home. One of many older youngsters stated, “He’s operating house to mommy!” and all of us went again to taking part in.
Oddly sufficient, presumably breaking my finger didn’t fear me. What did fear me was in the future when a child was operating for a landing, and one other child dove to cease him. He solely caught the highest of his pants, pulling them down and exposing his naked butt. He made the landing anyway, however whereas everybody else thought it was hilarious, it scared me to demise.
What if that occurs to me?
I began tying my pants up with a string day by day, pulling it tight sufficient to make my abdomen harm (keep in mind, this was the eighties—I used to be sporting these neon-colored pajama-pant-looking issues). I began to really feel sick earlier than we performed soccer, earlier than faculty, and earlier than the whole lot.
You’d assume it was apparent that I used to be coping with nervousness, however it’s important to do not forget that within the eighties and nineties, we didn’t speak about psychological well being like we do now. We didn’t throw round phrases like nervousness and depression. I used to be simply the bizarre child that threw up earlier than he went to highschool.
The nervousness has gotten slightly extra noticeable over the previous few years. It appears to have gotten worse since having COVID in 2020 and 2021. I don’t know if that’s a factor, however it appears like it’s. It has compelled me to take care of it mindfully and with extra intention. It’s by no means nice, however I’ve discovered just a few issues.
1. Nervousness has taught me to be current.
The crushing presence of excessive nervousness forces me to be precisely the place I’m at that second. I’m not in a position to learn or write. I can’t play a online game or watch a film with any form of enjoyment. There’s nothing I can do.
This roots me within the second in a really intense, genuine method. Which may appear dangerous since I’m anxious, however there’s one other layer to it. Once I could be fully current with the physiological sensations of tension, I acknowledge that they’re vitality within the physique. Once I’m tremendous current, I can see how my thoughts is popping these sensations into the emotion we name nervousness, and that’s the place my struggling comes from.
2. Nervousness has taught me about management.
I’ve been instructed that my hyper-independence and must be ready for something is a trauma response. I used to be a therapist for ten years, and I nonetheless don’t know what to do with this info. I do know that nervousness provides me a crash course in what I can management and what I can’t management.
The dangerous information is that I can’t management any of the issues that I believe are creating nervousness. The excellent news is that I can management my response to all these issues. Nervousness forces me to do that in a really intentional method.
Nervousness additionally places my thoughts firmly on one thing larger than myself. Perhaps it’s that greater energy we hear about in AA conferences and on award reveals. It’s good for me to get exterior my head and do not forget that I’m not accountable for something. It’s useful to solely field inside my weight class.
3. Nervousness teaches me to have good habits and limits.
I’m dangerous about permitting my habits and limits to slide when instances are good. I begin consuming poorly, I cease exercising, I keep up too late, and I watch a bunch of reveals and films that beam darkness and distraction instantly into my head.
I additionally begin to permit unhealthy and even poisonous folks to have a extra distinguished position in my life. That is all below the guise of serving to them as a result of folks attain out to me quite a bit. Through the years, I’ve discovered I’ve to restrict how shut I let probably the most poisonous folks get to me, irrespective of how a lot assist they want.
Once I’m feeling good, I begin pondering I can deal with something, and my boundaries slip. Nervousness is at all times a reminder that the unhealthiness in my life has penalties, and I clear home when it spikes.
4. Nervousness jogs my memory how necessary development is.
As soon as I clear home, I begin new tasks and issues I can do to really feel higher. I begin taking the following step in who I wish to be. This has been tough over the previous three years as a result of the waves of tension have been so intense, however I see the sunshine on the finish of the tunnel as the nice habits I put in place and the brand new tasks and issues I began are starting to come back to fruition.
I selected to let my counseling license go inactive and give attention to life teaching as a result of it’s much less aggravating, and I’m higher at it. This might not have occurred with out nervousness. I’ve modified my weight loss program and train in response to blood strain and nervousness, and these are good habits to have whether or not I’m anxious or not.
5. Nervousness taught me to be light.
I’ve written and spoken quite a bit about my want to be gentler with folks. I’m not unkind, and I’ve a number of compassion for folks, however that is typically expressed gruffly or too instantly. It’s how I used to be raised, and I typically really feel like I’m patronizing folks if I stroll in verbal circles after I’m making an attempt to assist them with one thing.
Once I’m experiencing excessive nervousness I really feel fragile, which helps me perceive how different folks would possibly really feel within the face of my bluntness. I began engaged on being gentler round 2018, and I used to be upset in my progress.
It was additionally round that 12 months that nervousness started to change into a fixture in my life once more. As I look again now, I can acknowledge that I’m quite a bit gentler with everybody round me after I’m anxious. Being slightly fragile helps me deal with everyone else with slightly extra care.
6. Nervousness taught me to decelerate and ask for assist.
Once I began experiencing elevated nervousness, it led me to make fast selections and alter issues to attempt to take care of it. This is smart. Evolutionarily, nervousness is supposed to immediate us to motion.
The issue was that these selections hardly ever turned out to be my finest ones and sometimes led to different penalties I needed to take care of down the road. Due to this, I’ve discovered that an nervousness spike is just not the time to make large selections.
If I’ve to decide about one thing, I decelerate and attempt to be very intentional about it. I’ve additionally discovered I want to speak it out with any individual else, one thing I’ve by no means been inclined to do. Asking for assist is an effective factor.
7. Nervousness helps me pace up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is the other of what I simply stated.
Let me make clear.
One of the necessary quotes I’ve ever learn got here from the folks singer Joan Baez: “Motion is the antidote to nervousness.” (Years later, I discovered she might need stated despair as an alternative of tension, however I heard it the primary method).
Some duties deliver nervousness that I don’t wish to take care of. These normally contain cellphone calls or emails to bureaucratic organizations or errands that I discover disagreeable and anxiety-inducing (avoiding these additionally is smart—our evolutionary legacy can’t perceive why we might do one thing that will really feel harmful).
Through the years, I’ve discovered that nervousness diminishes if I take the steps I have to take to deal with these duties. The cool factor is that this has translated over to lots of my day-to-day duties.
By appearing within the face of tension, I’ve gotten fairly good about doing issues after they must be carried out. I mow the garden when it must be mowed, take out the trash when it must be taken out, put the laundry up when it must be put up, and get the oil modified in my truck when it must be modified.
As soon as we begin addressing duties instantly, it turns into a behavior. Nervousness helped me do that.
Nervousness Nonetheless Sucks
So there you go. Seven issues nervousness has taught me. I’m grateful for these classes, however they don’t make nervousness any easier within the second.
Nervousness is supposed to suck. It’s meant to make issues tough and uncomfortable for us till we do one thing to deal with the issue. The issue, sadly, is commonly un-addressable nowadays.
We fear about issues like shedding our job, not having sufficient cash, divorce, and the overall state of the world. Nervousness didn’t develop to deal with any of this stuff, so generally being comfy with discomfort is the perfect we will supply ourselves.
Perhaps that’s the very last thing nervousness is educating me.
About James Scott Henson
James is a author who desires to assist folks overcome challenges and make necessary modifications of their lives. He has labored for over twenty years as a social employee, meditation instructor, and licensed skilled counselor. Having discovered his house in life coaching, he helps others obtain their targets and create the life they need. As a author, James shares useful posts on Substack, writing 1000’s of phrases every month to encourage, problem, and inspire his subscribers.
