It feels not possible to speak about this incident with out additionally discussing our tradition of movie star worship. Each time one thing like this occurs, you see folks dogpile on the offending movie star with a gleeful ethical righteousness, “OMG WiLl, I uSeD tO hAvE sO mUcH ReSpEcT fOr YoUU.”
Actually? The man who pretends to explode aliens for a dwelling?
I assume I’ve by no means understood movie star idolization. Hell, I anticipate these folks to fuck up and disappoint us. In any case, they’re below 100x extra scrutiny and strain than any of us will ever be and plenty of of them come from tough backgrounds and battle with psychological well being points.
For years, one of many traps I’ve identified in my relationship recommendation is idealizing one other particular person—to imagine that since you love them, they have to not have any issues in anyway. In relationships, there’s a reputation for this: codependency. Codependency just about at all times results in dysfunctional relationships and heartbreak.
But, folks do that with the celebrities they love on a regular basis. For some cause, we determine that simply because a man can shoot a basketball properly, we anticipate him to be an awesome businessman, an awesome father, an awesome husband, an awesome group chief, to have knowledgeable and nuanced political beliefs (that additionally match our personal), to have upstanding ethics and little-to-no emotional dysfunction. Oh, and he has to do all this whereas by no means complaining.
But, it’s these identical codependent sorts that spend their lives idolizing strangers on screens who then turn into shocked—#ABSOLUTELYSHOCKED!!!—that so-and-so-with-the-basketball seems to be… properly, human.
It jogs my memory of an interview with the rapper Lil’ Wayne that I noticed years in the past. The interviewer saved obnoxiously citing the truth that Wayne had not too long ago been arrested for drug possession, anticipating Lil’ Wayne to point out some type of regret or remorse about it. But, he didn’t. Flummoxed, the interviewer lastly requested him, “However what do you say to all the younger folks on the market who look as much as you, who look to you to know methods to reside their very own lives?”
Wayne responded with one thing like, “Man, in case you want a rapper to inform you methods to reside, then perhaps you ain’t actually livin’ in any respect.”
The identical means you’ll be able to’t have a wholesome loving relationship with out accepting and even appreciating an individual’s flaws, I might argue you’ll be able to’t actually be a “fan” of somebody except you’re additionally keen to just accept and acknowledge that particular person’s shortcomings.
So, the place does this go away us with Will? Are you able to settle for and tolerate his shortcomings? As disillusioned as I’m with what he did, I can. However I’ve additionally seen his unbelievable generosity up entrance and shut. I’ve studied the a long time’ value of fantastic issues he has carried out for the folks in his life, his group and his trade. I’ve been round him sufficient to know that his coronary heart is in the precise place and he’s embarrassed by what he did.
In our Twitter-driven world, I imagine we’re over-optimized for ethical judgment and under-optimized for forgiveness. Ethical judgment comes simple and is rewarded with retweets and clicks. Forgiveness is tough and doesn’t go viral.
